Daniel O'Connor's Blog

Dear Brethren,

First, forgive me for adding yet another commentary on this issue that is already far too commented upon by far better Catholics than I; I do so because I feel I must.

I must because the morale of the greatest saints I know may be at risk (those dedicated humble souls who day after day bear all the suffering that comes with praying and sidewalk counseling outside abortion mills, and do so with the greatest love and gentleness) at an important moment: today being the eve of the start of the Fall 40 Days for Life campaign. I will share, by way of  personal story at the end of this, what I believe he did mean, but for now let me tell you what he did not mean.

Pope Francis did not mean “stay away from the abortion mills, stop praying outside of them, stop counseling the women outside of them and evangelizing passersby.” He did not even mean “take it easy on that; don’t be so zealous for it.” He meant the absolute opposite; he meant that the woundedness of our generation, thanks to its sinfulness, is so incredibly great that it no longer suffices in any degree (as it perhaps once did – to a degree) for the Church as a whole to merely make her opposition to evil known by way of denunciation.

He is not insisting upon falling back in surrender to a more comfortable spot of easy-going friendliness to the world; a succumbing to the times (which Benedict condemned as “blind conformity to the spirit of this age”); a softening of teachings; a shift of focus from sign-of-contradiction to just-getting-along.

Rather, he is insisting upon a radical advance; an advance to the level of the saints, that is to say, the level of Christ. The level of the One for Whom it was not enough merely to denounce evil; but Who instead annihilated it by permitting it to nail Him to a cross. If the Catholic Church is the Church of Christ, then it must follow His life. I believe Francis is saying that we have now reached Gethsemane.

Francis is not saying that we must go from activist to apathetic. He is saying we must go from activist to warrior, and so long as the Satanic Prince of this World is in power (and he is now more than ever) – that is done by suffering violence, not by using it. As the woman getting an abortion feels the agonizing assault of her conscience, so we must stand or kneel on the sidewalks and bear with love the angry jeers of pro-abortion passersby, the cold snow and hot sun, and the alienation of certain friends and family members who will have none of that “fanaticism;” and even moreso we must look into the eyes of the women going in, feel their pain, and tell them that God became man in the womb of the Virgin so that we could be set free.

Were I to be asked just what it was I thought Pope Francis was saying, I would relay two personal stories:

Three years ago I was on pilgrimage to Medjugorje. I had foolishly not followed the advice given to pilgrims – to have a heartfelt confession be among your first activities – and had put it off for a whole week. That week was full of blessings, but I also struggled. I was not at peace with my pilgrimage group and was losing much due to that; some of them had behaviors that troubled me, I was bothered by their sinfulness, and some of them were not even Catholics. I remained reserved and ineffective in conversations with them because of what was likely a subconscious fear that I would be confronted with their sins or imperfections and have to deal with that. Finally I made it to that most merciful Sacrament, and tried my best to open my soul to a very holy Franciscan priest (a CFR). He paused, and said “… I’m not sure how else to say this, but: you’re not the Savior of the World. Jesus is.” It was as if a demon was exorcised from me. Afterwards I was able to see the person before the sin, have a Christlike love for them, and even enjoy their company. Ironically (but not really), it was only then that I was able to influence them away from sin by my witness.

In college, after I had reawakened to my Faith and was growing in zeal for its promulgation, I came to recognize that the vast majority of Catholics were, objectively speaking, in a state of grave sin. I had to do something about it. My engineering mind went to work and I put together a printout of what I deemed to be the most common sanctifying grace depriving behaviors there were (e.g. certain sexual sins, skipping Mass on a Sunday or Holy Day, etc.), so that I could post them everywhere, and people would then at least know. I neglected to consider that I was being far less gentle with others by employing methods like these (which, thankfully, remained uncompleted works in progress) than the Holy Spirit had been with me, in bringing about my own conversion. My methods are now far different and far more effective, but still with the same aim and the same motive: salvation, and love, respectively. Instead of the sin list, I now hand out this card that I made and printed 10,000 of. I speak first and foremost about the Divine Mercy, the love of Our Lady, the ease with which Our Lord is approached, and the like.  I urge you to do something similar.

I believe, in fact, that Pope Francis is merely trying to teach the whole Church what most dedicated sidewalk prayer warriors and sidewalk counselors already know, for they learned it through that very ministry.  They learned it by by seeing some misguided yet zealous soul shouting “murderer” at a woman on her way in, or standing and scowling with a sign, that reads in huge letters, “THOU SHALT NOT KILL.” Their hearts recognized that such an approach was not Christlike, and they even observed the complete lack of effectiveness of that approach. So they chose to approach the matter very differently; they pray the Rosary, they bring cards with the Divine Mercy and Our Lady of Guadalupe on them, they assure each and every man and woman going into those places of death that they love them and are praying for them, they talk about the mercy of Jesus, the love of God, and the power of Our Lady. They endure much suffering on those sidewalks, but they bear incredible fruit. It is as if they heard this very interview long ago, and followed its spirit perfectly, for in the interview our Holy Father said “We need to proclaim the Gospel on every street corner… it is necessary to accompany them [sinners] with mercy … when we speak about these issues [abortion, etc.], we have to talk about them in a context… Proclamation in a missionary style focuses on the essentials: this… is what makes the heart burn…ministry cannot be obsessed with the transmission of a disjointed multitude of doctrines to be imposed insistently…”

But he is also trying to teach the Church that lesson that brought them from merely being pro-life and denouncing abortion to being a sidewalk counselor or sidewalk prayer warrior: “[What] the Church needs most today is the ability to heal wounds… it needs nearness, proximity. I see the church as a field hospital after battle…There is always the lurking danger of living in a laboratory…you cannot bring home the frontier, but you have to live on the border and be audacious…it is one thing to have a meeting to study the problem of drugs in a slum  neighborhood and quite another thing to go there…”

There is nothing else he could have meant by likening what we ought to be to a field hospital. It is as if he had said “your anti-war activism and pacifist principles are correct, but milquetoast. You need to feel the bullets whizzing by your head; you need to risk their implantation into your heart, and you must immediately go bandage up up your brothers and sisters who are dying of their wounds in the battlefield from this unjust war.”

I know that I am called to spend more time outside of abortion mills these 40 days than I have in the recent past. This Papal interview reminds me of that. I pray you feel this call as well, and know that our Holy Father will thank you for it, if not in this life, then at Judgment Day. But it is not even Pope Francis whom we do this for, after all; it is Our Lord, Who sees us every moment and knows our heart. Follow the conviction of your heart with greater zeal than ever; do not permit the devil to snatch that great gift away by means of misinterpretation of a Papal interview, or secular media spin thereof. Rather, be further inspired by its powerful true meaning. If you only knew the reward that awaits you for your faithfulness, you would die for joy and receive it now.

In Christ, through Mary,

Daniel

Dear Friends,

My wedding to Regina last month was a truly blessed occasion in every way! I cannot say how joyous I am, about that day in particular, but more so about the Sacrament we entered into on that day. I hope to soon write a post about our wedding and our honeymoon (a road trip pilgrimage to various holy sites in the Eastern half of the U.S.).

Before then, though, I would like to share something that has come up a little more recently regarding the wedding Mass itself. The priest who officiated delivered a powerful, beautiful, edifying, and uncompromising homily. It was the type of homily that, if we had more of over the past several decades, society never would have been able to sink so low.  He was very clear in speaking the truth about marriage and the dangers posed by the same-sex “marriage” legislation in our nation. This very much upset certain family members (there were homosexual(s) in attendance), and we were made aware of this via email three weeks after the wedding.

In today’s Gospel reading, Our Lord tells us “I have come to set the earth on fire, and how I wish it were already blazing! There is a baptism with which I must be baptized, and how great is my anguish until it is accomplished! Do you think that I have come to establish peace on the earth? No, I tell you, but rather division. From now on a household … will be divided …”

I post this today to encourage you all to be witnesses in the world, and even in your own families. We must never pursue division, for in itself it is a bad thing, but we must be willing to accept it if it comes as a result of us sharing the truth in charity. Remember, never fear the truth, but also always favor gentleness and meekness, so that when we are persecuted, it is truly for the sake of righteousness, and not because there actually was something in our approach, itself worthy of reproach.

Here is my (anonymized) response to the concerned relative that I sent out via email a couple days ago – I always like to use occasions like this as an opportunity to provide a brief introduction to the Theology of the Body, and I encourage you all to do the same! This particular email was sent to a non-Christian, so I could not appeal to Scripture or Church teaching (which I would were I addressing this to a Christian or a Catholic, respectively)

Dear______,

Thank you for reaching out to me and letting me know how you felt about what was said in the homily of my wedding Mass. Please know that I am always open to hearing about such things, even if they are hard to say. I hope that all of my family members always consider me approachable on anything.

I understand that you and others felt hurt by the chosen words of Father during the homily. You are absolutely right that this was not my intention (thank you for recognizing that before I even had to say so); it is never my intention that anyone be hurt, especially not anyone in my own family. Please know that as I was up there before the altar, I was praying with all of my heart for those in my family who I feared would indeed feel hurt.

How I wish we could live in a world where hurt was not necessary, or that when it was necessary, it could be I who had to endure it instead of those dear to me. We all believe things that hurt others (merely in the act of our believing of them), and then even more hurt ensues when we vocalize these beliefs. We have to be prudent about when to speak, but we cannot always be silent. I am so glad that, over the years, there have been occasions where family members have said things that hurt at the time, but helped me after the fact to grow overall.

In that regard, I do not deem my own wedding to be a time when silence was called for; a time when we were gathering together to celebrate the holiness of matrimony to be a time when the foundational truths of marriage remain unstated lest someone feel hurt.

And since we have now arrived at the crux of the matter – the foundational truths of marriage-, please allow me to explain my beliefs, lest the popular portrayal of them leave you tempted to see me as hateful or bigoted. See that in what follows, I am not appealing to the authority of the Church or even of the Bible; but merely to what our Creator has written directly in all of our bodies and souls.

Though reductionistic modern thought sometimes insists people to regard sex as a mere chromosomal quality or difference in a few organs, anyone with wisdom knows better. What strikes you first whenever you see a person, and what you remember the longest, is that person’s sex. After humanity itself, sex is one’s most essential attribute; for it is not merely a trait – it is not something about a person like height or skin color – but rather it is who that person is. Try as you might, you cannot change your sex; you have it from the moment of your conception and you maintain it for all time and eternity. One can no more change from a man into a woman than he can change from a man into a dog. Language itself is and always has been well aware of this. It is demeaning to refer to a person as “it,” and grammatically incorrect to refer to a person as “they.” You have to refer to a person as a “he” or a “she.” There is no other way, and there ought not be any other way.

After recognizing the unsurpassably fundamental nature of sex, we have to ask “what does this truth mean? what does it teach us about how we are to live and believe?” – for God teaches not primarily through Scripture or the Church, but primarily through our very design. As soon as we have the honesty to ask this question, the answer becomes obvious: neither the male body nor the female body makes any sense in isolation. Each is expressly designed to be given to the other. Therefore this meaning of sexuality that we now seek is the gift of self. A man or a woman is made, from the very beginning, to be a gift to another. Only in becoming this gift is he or she fulfilling the meaning of his or her being and existence.

Sexual intimacy is the greatest physical mode of expression of this gift of self. We can make a sort of gift of ourselves to many others of either sex in many ways; but when it comes to sexual intimacy – the ultimate physical gift of self in its entirety – there is one place alone in which it is properly expressed and, in that place, made beautiful and honorable; namely, in the marriage of a man and a woman. To give the gift of self in the form of sexual intimacy, in any other fashion, is a lie against the very nature of the gift (and remember that this applies to any use whatsoever of sexual intimacy outside of this setting; not merely to homosexual acts); akin to wrapping up rotting trash to put under the Christmas tree just because you enjoy watching the children unwrapping gifts. We know what the culmination of that lie would be; the children devastated and the parents’ utter loss of the very enjoyment they were pursuing in their deceitful gift giving. The culmination of lying with the very gift of self that is sexuality is like that, but far darker and more destructive.

As we all know, a lie is an intrinsically disordered thing; it is an act that is never good or beautiful because it is never true. I sympathize with people who have dispositions towards certain types of lies; I respect their dignity and I love them. But I can never participate in what I know full well to be a lie; not by praise, and not even by silence. For me to do so would not be love; it would be hatred. For me to support, or even for me to fail to oppose, any legislation aimed at institutionalizing, encouraging, or confirming any one of those lies would be also be hateful.

That all being said, Father’s words during his homily are not the words I would have chosen were I to address a person who is proudly living the gay lifestyle (I am sure they are also not the words with which he would intentionally address a gay person; please keep in mind that he was speaking to a congregation of 300 people, the vast majority of whom were devout Catholics. I know him well and he is extremely compassionate to all.). Given that opportunity, I would say:

“You are an especially beloved child of God. Were you the only person on this Earth that could be saved, just as you are now, He still would have come down from heaven and given up His life for you. Not only that, but nothing you have done or will do can lessen this love. Even now you are not far away from Him; you need not undergo a long and arduous process of self-reform before approaching and being accepted by Him; you need only turn to Him. It is as easy as saying, with your heart, ‘Jesus, I am sorry. Help me.’ All He needs is your desire for Him – even if at this moment your desire for Him is more in the form of merely feeling a distaste for those specific aspects of your lifestyle that displease Him and an admission that you ought to be rid of them. Do not let yourself or anyone else tell you that you are “dirty” to Him; on the contrary, you are more precious than the entire universe, and if you only appeal to His mercy, then He would never and can never reject you.”

I cannot apologize for the substance of what Father said; I will always stand by it even with my very life. But I hope what I said here has cleared up any worries you may have had about my approach to homosexual persons, and helped you to understand more why I believe what I do.  If at times my behavior appears strange or my motives unclear, know this: there are really only two things I care about, and I strive to bring every single thought, word, and deed of my life in conformity with them: to know, love, and serve a certain Man who walked the Earth 2,000 years ago, and to bring others to do the same, for I know with the certainty of Faith that we will all see Him the moment after we die.

With much love and prayers always,

In Christ, through Mary,

Danny

The Eucharist alone is our source of holiness. Only from it will you find the grace to become a saint.

The tip is simply this: Each day, strive to have absolutely no idea how many people were at Mass. (note: this is just a tip that will work for some and is impractical or inapplicable to others for miscellaneous reasons. No worries!)

How is this achieved?

By arriving early for prayerful preparation, sitting towards the front of the Church, keeping your eyes on the sanctuary – the Altar, the Tabernacle, the crucifix especially -, keeping your head down during Communion time, and remaining in prayer after Mass for a fervent thanksgiving. Do all this and you will not even be able to answer somebody who says to you “so how many people were at Mass today?”

Arriving Early: At Medjugorje, Our Lady laments that if we had any idea what a grace Holy Mass truly was, we would always prepare for at least an hour. Angels tremble before what you are about to witness – it really is worth ten minutes to ready your soul for.

Sitting Towards the Front: This is obviously the main point that will not apply to many of you, and that is fine! But if you can, I would advise sitting near the front. The unfortunate fact is that many today have no desire to be reverent at Mass, and it is better to not have such people in our line of sight, which will distract us, or worse, tempt us to pass judgments on them.

Keeping Your Eyes on the Sanctuary: Of the thousands of Masses I have attended, I can think of only a few in which something has happened that has demanded action from me. I say this because it is extremely unlikely that there is any reason whatsoever for you to look at the noise that just came from the side or the back of the Church. Nor do you need to know who walked in late, nor do you need (except in extremely rare cases) to whisper something to your spouse or your friend with whom you are attending Mass. There is no better analogy for an aspiring saint than that of a soldier; we are indeed the Church Militant. Therefore let your focus be that of warrior.

Keeping your head down during Communion time: How much it must pain Our Lord when we use those few precious moments where His substantial presence remains in us (or those few moments leading up to that heavenly embrace) to entertain vain ponderings about other people at Mass; that is more lamentable than a newlywed couple watching television on their wedding night.

Remaining in prayer after Mass for a fervent thanksgiving:  Our Lord’s substantial (yes, that truly means physical) presence remains in us for approximately 15 minutes after receiving the Host – this is a simple theological/biological conclusion. It makes no sense to pray at all if we are not going to take full advantage of those 15 minutes, unparalleled in their power to sanctify. To desire sanctity but make a habit of leaving Church shortly after receiving and immediately concerning yourself with worldly affairs while He resides in you may not be an intrinsic evil, but it is at least incredibly foolish. It is like a student who wants an A, but sleeps through his examinations, hoping to increase his grade by meticulously completing his homework assignments later.

This is just one tip: the bottom line in the appropriation of the graces poured out upon you at Holy Mass is that you must be reverent, fervent, and focused – enraptured in so far as that is within the power of your will (wherein alone all merit lies) to accomplish. If ever a complaint about anything whatsoever – the world, other Catholics, your life – enters your mind as you are assisting at Mass, remember the words of Pope St. Pius X, where he attributed all the evil in the world to lukewarm Catholics; and there is no better way to be counted among this sorry group of souls than by neglecting to respond to the awesomeness of the Mass – nor is there any better way to be counted among the saints than by your faith, hope, love, and holy fear at Mass, and the wrapping of your entire being around the Eucharistic Lord you receive at it, that He alone may be the “source and summit” of your life.